Anti-Bullying Strategies for Kids, Teens, and Their Parents
A Practical Guide
Bullying is a significant public health issue that can affect anyone. It's a repeated, intentional pattern of behavior that involves a real or perceived power imbalance. The good news is that it is preventable, and everyone has a role to play. This guide provides practical, actionable strategies for children, teenagers, and parents to prevent, address, and recover from bullying.
For Children and Teens: Building Your Personal Power
If You Are Being Bullied
Your safety and well-being are the most important things. Remember, it's not your fault, and you have the right to be treated with respect.
In the Moment: Stay Calm and Assertive
Use Your Words Calmly: Practice saying "Stop it," "That's not okay," or "Leave me alone" in a firm, clear voice. You don't have to shout or fight back physically.
Walk Away with Confidence: If you can, remove yourself from the situation. Walking away is not a sign of weakness; it's a smart choice to stay safe.
Find a Trusted Adult: Immediately tell a teacher, counsellor, coach, or parent what happened. Be as specific as you can about who was involved, what they did, and where it happened.
Building Long-Term Resilience
Stay Connected: Stick with friends who treat you well. There is safety and strength in numbers. Bullies are less likely to target someone who is with a supportive group.
Practice Confidence: Your body language speaks volumes. Practice standing tall, making eye contact, and speaking clearly. Programs like the WITS Program teach kids to "Walk away, Ignore, Talk it out, and Seek help" as foundational strategies.
Develop Your Interests: Join clubs, sports teams, or arts programs. This builds your skills, confidence, and social circle outside of the environment where the bullying is happening.
Scenario 1: Primary School (Grade 3) - The Playground
The Situation: Leo is on the playground. Every day at recess, a classmate named Jayden and his friends call Leo "baby" for still liking a certain cartoon, push him off the monkey bars, and steal his hat.
In-the-Moment Strategy (Stay Calm and Assertive):
Use Your Words: The next time Jayden pushes him, Leo takes a step back, stands up tall, looks at Jayden, and says in a clear voice: "Stop. That's not kind." Then, he turns away.
Walk Away with Confidence: Leo doesn't wait for a response. He immediately walks toward the playground supervisor or a group of other friends playing soccer.
Find a Trusted Adult: Leo goes straight to the playground supervisor and says, "Ms. Chen, Jayden pushed me off the bars and took my hat again."
Building Resilience (Practice at Home): Leo's parents role-play this at home, taking turns being "Jayden" so Leo can practice his firm voice and walking-away plan. They praise his courage for speaking up.
Scenario 2: Middle School (Grade 7) - The Locker Bay
The Situation: Maya has a locker next to Sarah, who is popular. Sarah and her friends have started "accidentally" bumping into Maya, making fun of her clothes, and whispering loudly about her whenever she walks by. Maya feels anxious every time she needs her books.
In-the-Moment Strategy (Stay Calm and Assertive):
Use Your Words and Walk Away: As Sarah's friend makes a mocking comment, Maya takes a breath, gives a brief, unimpressed look, and says calmly, "Okay, whatever." She then confidently opens her locker, gets what she needs, and walks to class without engaging further. She uses her body language to show she is not interested in their drama.
Find a Trusted Adult: After class, Maya emails her homeroom teacher a brief, factual note: "Dear Mr. Davis, I'm having a recurring problem with some students at my locker before period 2. They are making comments and blocking my way. Can we talk about a solution?" This documents the issue and seeks help proactively.
Building Resilience: Maya joins the school's coding club, where she makes new friends who share her interests. This gives her a social group outside of the toxic locker-bay dynamic and builds her confidence in a different setting.
Scenario 3: High School (Grade 11) - Cyberbullying & Hallway Harassment
The Situation: Alex, who is transgender, has been the target of hateful comments on a semi-private Instagram story. A group of students repost screenshots in their group chat and mutter transphobic slurs when Alex walks down the hall.
In-the-Moment Strategy (Stay Calm and Assertive):
Document and Disengage: Alex does not reply online, which would fuel the fire. Instead, they take screenshots of every post and comment, making sure usernames and dates are visible.
Find a Trusted Adult (The Power of Documentation): Alex brings the screenshots to the school's Vice-Principal and the GSA (Gender-Sexuality Alliance) staff advisor. They say: "I am being harassed online and in the halls because I'm trans. Here is the evidence. I need this to stop for my safety." This factual, evidence-based approach forces a serious institutional response.
Use Group Power: Alex talks to the GSA and close friends. They agree to walk together between classes, creating a visible "buffer" of support that makes hallway harassment less likely.
Building Resilience and Seeking Support: Alex and their parents contact BullyingCanada for 24/7 support and advice on next steps. They also connect with an affirming local counselor who specializes in LGBTQ+ youth, ensuring Alex has professional mental health support to process the trauma.
If You See Bullying Happen (Become an Upstander)
Witnesses have the power to change the situation. When peers intervene, bullying often stops within seconds. Being an upstander doesn't always mean direct confrontation; it means taking safe, positive action. Here are some safe intervention strategies and how they can look at different ages.
Safe Intervention Strategies:
Direct Distraction: You can interrupt the bullying without confrontation. Say something like, "Hey, the teacher is looking for you," or "Come on, let's go to class."
Show Support to the Person Being Bullied: After the incident, reach out. A simple "Are you okay?" or "That wasn't fair what they did" can make a huge difference and help them feel less alone.
Use Group Power: Talk with your friends about stepping in together. It's easier and safer to intervene as a group.
Get Adult Help: If the situation looks dangerous or you don't feel safe stepping in directly, your most important job is to find a trusted adult immediately.
Online (Cyberbullying): Don't forward, like, or share hurtful posts. You can report the content on the platform and send a supportive private message to the person targeted.
Scenario 1: Primary School (Grade 3) - The Monkey Bars
The Situation: Leo sees his classmate, Sam, being taunted by two other kids at the monkey bars. They're calling Sam "slowpoke" and saying he can't play because he's "bad at it." Sam looks like he might cry.
Upstander Strategy in Action:
Direct Distraction: Leo walks over and says to Sam, "Hey Sam! Ms. Chen just said we need a goalie for our soccer game. Come on, we need you!" This immediately changes the focus and gives Sam a way out.
Show Support: As they walk to the soccer field, Leo says to Sam, "They were being mean. Sorry about that. You're a really good goalie."
Get Adult Help (If Needed): If the kids had started pushing Sam, Leo's job would be to run and get the playground supervisor immediately. He could say, "Quick! They're pushing Sam by the monkey bars!"
Why It Works: At this age, distraction and inclusion are powerful tools. Leo didn't have to confront the bullies; he simply offered Sam a better alternative and made him feel valued.
Scenario 2: Middle School (Grade 7) - The Cafeteria Exclusion
The Situation: Maya is in the cafeteria. She sees that Fatima, who usually sits with them, is standing alone with her tray. Maya's friend Sarah whispers, "Don't let her sit here today. She's so weird for hanging out with those art kids."
Upstander Strategy in Action:
Use Group Power / Direct Intervention: Maya makes a choice. She says to Sarah, "That's not cool. She's our friend." Then, she looks up, waves, and calls out, "Fatima, over here! We saved you a spot!"
Show Support Privately: Later, Maya might text Fatima: "Hey, sorry about Sarah at lunch. Glad you sat with us :)"
Get Adult Help (If It Escalates): If Sarah had started loudly insulting Fatima and causing a scene, Maya could quietly get up and tell a teacher on lunch duty about the public humiliation.
Why It Works: This scenario shows the social courage required in middle school. Maya risked mild social backlash from Sarah to prevent a greater harm to Fatima. Her action reinforced the social norm that exclusion is unacceptable.
Scenario 3: High School (Grade 11) - The Group Chat & Hallway
The Situation: Alex is in a large group chat where someone posts an edited, embarrassing photo of a quiet classmate, Jake, with cruel captions about his weight. The chat is filling up with laughing emojis. The next day, Alex hears some of the same people making snickering comments as Jake walks down the hall.
Upstander Strategy in Action:
Online Intervention (The Power of Not Participating): Alex does not like or forward the photo. They send a private message to the person who posted it: "Not cool. You should take that down." Then, Alex privately messages Jake: "Saw that pic in the chat. That was messed up and I told them to take it down. I'm here if you want to talk."
Use Group Power / Show Support Publicly: In the hallway, when Alex hears the snickering, they break from the group, catch up to Jake, and start walking with him, talking about a class project. This simple act of publicly aligning with Jake disrupts the bystander effect.
Get Adult Help / Report: Alex takes a screenshot of the harmful post and reports it directly to the platform (Instagram/Snapchat). If it continues, Alex could show the screenshot to a school counselor, explaining the link between the online harassment and the in-person ridicule.
Why It Works: This combines digital and in-person upstanding. Alex uses private channels to challenge the behavior and support the target, minimizing personal risk while maximizing impact. Public allyship in the hallway is a powerful nonverbal signal that shifts the social environment.
Universal Upstander Principles Across All Ages
Interrupt the Moment: Use distraction, inclusion, or a calm word to break the bullying dynamic.
Support the Person Targeted: A small act of kindness afterward is crucial for healing and counters isolation.
Report When It's Serious: If someone's safety is at risk—physically or emotionally—getting an adult is the bravest and most responsible action.
These scenarios empower young people by showing them they have a range of safe, effective options. Their actions, however small they seem, can truly change the outcome.
For Parents and Caregivers: Your Role as Coach and Advocate
Your calm, supportive, and strategic response is the most critical factor in helping your child navigate bullying. Your approach will vary depending on your child's age and the nature of the bullying, but the core principles remain the same: listen, document, and collaborate.
Prevention and Proactive Support
Talk Openly and Often: Have regular, low-pressure conversations about friendships and school. Ask open-ended questions like, "What was the best and hardest part of your day?"
Teach Assertiveness and Empathy: Role-play different scenarios at home. Teach your child the difference between passive, aggressive, and assertive responses. Discuss how others might feel in different situations.
Foster Strong Self-Esteem: Celebrate your child's strengths and efforts. A child who feels confident and valued at home is better equipped to handle challenges elsewhere.
If Your Child is Being Bullied: How to Respond
Listen Calmly and Offer Comfort: When your child tells you, your first job is to listen without judgment. Believe them, thank them for telling you, and reassure them it is not their fault. Say, "I'm so sorry this is happening. We will figure this out together."
Document Everything: Keep a detailed record of incidents—dates, times, locations, what was said or done, and who was involved. Save screenshots of any cyberbullying.
Work Collaboratively with the School:
Contact the Right Person: Start with your child's teacher or school counselor, not the other child's parent.
Approach as a Partner: Frame the conversation around ensuring everyone's safety and well-being. Present your documentation and ask, "What is the school's policy, and what steps can we take together?"
Develop a Safety Plan: Ask what specific actions will be taken to increase supervision and ensure your child's safety during lunch, recess, or in hallways.
Seek Additional Support: If your child shows signs of anxiety, depression, or trauma, connect with a mental health professional. Contact organizations like BullyingCanada for 24/7 support and resources.
Scenario 1: Primary School Parent (Child in Grade 3)
The Situation: Your son, Leo, comes home from school quieter than usual. You notice his favourite hat is missing. When you ask, he says, "Jayden took it at recess and threw it in a puddle." He admits this has happened a few times.
How to Respond:
Listen Calmly and Offer Comfort: You sit with Leo, hug him, and say, "I am so sorry that happened. Thank you for telling me. It took a lot of courage. No one should take your things. This is not your fault, and we will work on this together."
Document Everything: You start a notebook. You write down the date, that Jayden took and damaged Leo's hat, and that Leo says this has happened "a few times" at recess.
Work Collaboratively with the School: The next morning, you email or call Leo's homeroom teacher (not the other parent). You frame it as a partnership: "Hi Mrs. Jones, Leo reported that a student has been taking and damaging his belongings at recess. We wanted to make you aware so we can work together to ensure all the kids are safe and respectful on the playground. Can we set up a quick chat?"
Develop a Safety Plan: In your talk, you ask: "Can Leo be assigned a different recess buddy or play zone for a while? Who is the specific supervisor he should go to if this happens again?" You then clearly relay this simple plan back to Leo.
Scenario 2: Middle School Parent (Child in Grade 7)
The Situation: Your daughter, Maya, has become increasingly withdrawn and is making excuses to avoid school. After gentle probing, she reveals that a group of girls is spreading rumours about her online and deliberately excluding her. She shows you a few nasty comments on a social media post.
How to Respond:
Listen and Validate Complex Emotions: You say, "That sounds incredibly hurtful and lonely. I can see why you're upset. Social stuff like this is so hard, and you didn't do anything to deserve it." You avoid dismissing it as "drama."
Document Everything: Together with Maya, you take screenshots of the online comments, ensuring usernames and dates are visible. You continue your notes with dates and descriptions of the exclusion.
Work Collaboratively with the School: You contact the school guidance counsellor or vice-principal. You bring the evidence and focus on the pattern: "Maya is experiencing relational aggression that is impacting her mental health and desire to attend school. It's happening both online and in person with this group. Here is what we've documented. What is the school's protocol for addressing cyberbullying and social exclusion?"
Seek Additional Support: You ask the school about any peer mediation or social skills groups. You also research local counsellors who specialize in adolescent anxiety to provide Maya with a neutral, professional space to talk.
Scenario 3: High School Parent (Child in Grade 11)
The Situation: Your teen, Alex, who is transgender, tells you that transphobic slurs are being written on their locker and that they are being harassed in a school group chat. Alex is furious, scared, and talking about dropping out.
How to Respond:
Listen and Affirm Their Right to Safety: You say, "This is unacceptable and a violation of your right to a safe education. Your anger is completely justified. We are going to address this immediately and forcefully. You are not alone in this."
Document Meticulously: You help Alex compile a formal dossier: photos of the locker, screenshots of the group chat, a log of every verbal incident with times and witness names. This is no longer just notes; it's evidence for a serious complaint.
Work Collaboratively (and Firmly) with the School: You request an urgent meeting with the Principal and the School Board's Equity/Safe Schools Officer. You present the dossier and state clearly: "My child is being targeted with hate-based harassment, which falls under your Code of Conduct and likely human rights law. We need to see your immediate action plan to 1) ensure Alex's physical safety, 2) investigate and apply disciplinary consequences, and 3) provide education to the student body."
Seek High-Level Support and Advocacy: You contact BullyingCanada for 24/7 crisis support and advocacy strategies. You also connect with a community legal clinic or human rights commission to understand your child's rights. You ensure Alex has access to an LGBTQ2S+ affirming therapist to process the trauma.
The Parental Upstander Checklist:
DO: Stay calm, believe your child, document facts, partner with the school, seek professional support when needed.
DON'T: Contact the other child's parents directly (it often escalates), tell your child to "fight back," minimize their experience, or bypass the school's administrative process prematurely.
By responding with a structured, evidence-based approach tailored to your child's developmental stage, you move from feeling helpless to being a powerful advocate. Your actions model how to confront injustice with resilience and strategic thinking.
For Parents and Caregivers: If Your Child is Engaged in Bullying Behaviour
Discovering your child is causing harm to others is distressing and often triggers strong emotions. The goal is to address the behavior effectively, not to label the child. This requires a teaching-focused, consistent response that seeks to understand the root cause and guide them toward better choices.
Address It Clearly: State that the behavior is unacceptable and explain how it harms others.
Understand the "Why": Try to uncover the reason (seeking status, peer pressure, copying behavior, unresolved anger).
Set Consistent Consequences: Implement meaningful, non-physical consequences focused on making amends (e.g., a genuine apology, community service).
Teach Replacement Skills: Help them develop empathy, anger management, and positive leadership skills.
Scenario 1: Primary School (Child in Grade 3)
The Situation: A note from the teacher says your son, Leo, was part of a group on the playground that was calling another child names and not letting them play. Leo says, "It was just a game! Everyone was doing it."
How to Respond:
Address It Clearly and Calmly: At home, you state the rule clearly: "Leo, in our family and at school, we do not call people names or leave them out. It hurts their feelings. Even if others are doing it, we make kind choices." Avoid a long lecture; keep the message simple.
Understand the "Why": You ask open questions: "What was happening on the playground? How do you think Sam felt when you said that?" The goal is to uncover the context—was it impulsive, a bid for peer approval, or mimicking behavior?
Set a Consistent Consequence: The consequence should be logical and focus on repair. You might say: "Because your words hurt someone, you need to make it right. Tomorrow, you will apologize to Sam with me there. We will also practice at home what to do instead when your friends want to play a mean 'game.'"
Teach Replacement Skills: Role-play positive alternatives. Practice phrases like, "No, that's not fun," or "Let's play something everyone can join." Praise him when he shares or includes others at home.
Scenario 2: Middle School (Child in Grade 7)
The Situation: You get a call from the school saying your daughter, Maya, has been involved in spreading a hurtful rumour about a classmate on social media. When confronted, Maya is defensive: "It was just a joke! She's so sensitive, and everyone else thought it was funny."
How to Respond:
Address It and Explain Impact: You have a serious, private conversation: "Spreading rumours online is not a joke; it's cyberbullying. It can hurt someone's reputation and feelings deeply, even if you don't see it. In our family, we are responsible for what we post and share."
Understand the "Why": You probe deeper: "What was going on before you posted that? Were you trying to be funny for the group, or were you upset with this person?" The cause may be social status-seeking, unresolved conflict, or peer pressure.
Set Consistent Consequences: Consequences are more significant and involve loss of trust. "Your actions have shown you're not using your phone responsibly right now. You will lose your social media privileges for two weeks. During that time, you will also write a genuine apology letter to the person you hurt, explaining why what you did was wrong."
Teach Replacement Skills and Empathy: Discuss the permanence of online actions. Ask, "How would you feel if this was about you?" Explore positive ways to use social influence, like complimenting a friend publicly or standing up for someone.
Scenario 3: High School (Teen in Grade 11)
The Situation: You are alerted that your teen, Alex, has been part of a group making derogatory, exclusionary comments about another student's cultural background in a school group chat. Alex dismisses it: "It's just locker room talk. No big deal. Everyone says stuff like that."
How to Respond:
Address It Firmly and Link to Values: You have a direct, values-based conversation: "This is not 'just talk.' What was said is discriminatory and harmful. It goes against everything we believe about respecting the dignity of all people. In this house, we do not tolerate hateful speech, joking or not."
Understand the "Why": This requires a serious investigation of influences. "I need to understand what's going on. Are you trying to fit in with this group? Have you been exposed to these ideas elsewhere? This is a serious pattern we need to unpack." The cause could be deep-seated peer pressure, exposure to online extremism, or internalized biases.
Set Meaningful Consequences and Demand Amends: Consequences must match the severity and focus on education and repair. "Your phone and computer access are now limited to schoolwork only until further notice. You will meet with the school's equity officer with me to understand the impact of discriminatory harassment. You will also research and write a paper on the history and impact of the type of bias you expressed."
Teach Replacement Skills and Broaden Perspective: Mandate exposure to positive influences. This could involve volunteering with a community organization serving diverse groups, meeting with a mentor, or attending a workshop on cultural competency. The goal is to actively build empathy and break down harmful stereotypes.
Core Principles for Addressing Bullying Behavior:
Separate the Action from the Child: "What you did was hurtful," not "You are a bully."
Focus on Repair and Restorative Justice: The consequence should aim to mend the harm where possible (e.g., a genuine apology, community service).
Uncover the Root: Bullying is a behavior, not an identity. Is it a cry for help, a learned behavior, a tool for social gain, or a sign of prejudice?
Model Accountability: How you handle your child's misbehavior teaches them how to take responsibility for their actions in the future.
By responding with a structured, principle-based approach, you guide your child toward accountability, empathy, and healthier ways of navigating social dynamics at every age. This is a critical part of helping them grow into respectful, responsible adults.
Key Programs and National Resources
Canada has excellent evidence-based programs and support networks:
PREVNet: A national network of researchers and organizations providing cutting-edge resources, toolkits, and fact sheets for parents, youth, and educators.
WITS Programs: A proven primary prevention program used in schools across Canada to teach children in Kindergarten to Grade 6 peaceful conflict resolution strategies.
BullyingCanada: Offers 24/7 confidential support via text, chat, and phone at 1-877-352-4497. They provide tailored advocacy and can help mediate with schools.
Canadian Red Cross: Provides bullying prevention education, including the "Beyond the Hurt" program, which trains youth to deliver anti-bullying workshops to their peers.
Need Help Now (Cyberbullying): A Canadian resource for help with removing unwanted online content and emotional support.
Overcoming bullying is a team effort.
By equipping our kids with skills, responding supportively as parents, and utilizing the excellent national resources available, we can create communities of respect and kindness.
If you or a young person you know is in crisis, please reach out for help:
One Stop Talk is a free, confidential service that lets children and youth under 18 years of age get immediate mental health support with a registered therapist. Call 1 855 416 TALK (8255) or connect online from anywhere in Ontario
Kids Help Phone: Call 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868.
Talk Suicide Canada: Call or text 1-833-456-4566 (24/7).
If your child or youth is experiencing a mental health crisis, please call 9-1-1 or COAST (905) 972-8338 or visit McMaster Children’s Hospital: Child and Youth Mental Health Emergency Services (CHYMES).
REFERENCES / SOURCES:
Kidpower.org Bullying Solutions for All Ages
PREVNet Bullying Facts and Solutions
Bullying Canada Information for Kids and Youth
Government of Canada Bullying prevention programs
Canadian Red Cross Five back to school bullying prevention tips
Royal Canadian Mounted Police Bullying and Cyberbullying
