Consent is one of the most important things we can teach children and youth—and it starts long before any conversation about sex.
At its core, consent is about respect. It is about knowing your own boundaries and respecting the boundaries of others. It is about understanding that every person has the right to make decisions about their own body, their own space, and their own choices.
And it is a lesson that begins in childhood, with small everyday moments—like letting a child decide whether they want a hug, or teaching them to stop tickling when someone says "stop."
This guide offers age-appropriate ways to teach consent to children and teens, answers common questions, and provides practical strategies for parents and caregivers who want to raise young people who understand respect, boundaries, and healthy relationships.
What is Consent?
Consent is permission for something to happen or an agreement to do something. For consent to occur, the people involved must be able to talk about what they want with respect for themselves and others.
Consent involves your child or teen knowing and respecting their own boundaries and those of others. Boundaries are the limits that a person sets that define when a behaviour—theirs or someone else's—is not okay and makes them uneasy.
Understanding consent has two sides. The first is knowing they can joyfully say yes if they want. The second is embracing the fact that a partner has the right to choose to say yes or no.
Why Consent Matters from an Early Age
Consent is important for kids to learn about from an early age. It can lead to better relationships with family, friends, peers, and eventually romantic partners.
When children learn about consent early, they develop:
A strong sense of their own bodily autonomy
The ability to recognize and respect other people's boundaries
The confidence to speak up when something does not feel right
The skills to navigate relationships with respect and care
Talking About Consent with Young Children
Talking to your child about consent is important when they are young. Here are some tips to help your child begin to understand consent:
Help your child understand that their bodies are their own. They have the right to make decisions about their body. This includes letting your child decide if they want a hug or kiss from family or friends.
Encourage your child to pay attention to other people's body language. It will help them see other people's cues about personal boundaries. For example, a person may take a few steps back to protect their personal space. Or they may move over slightly when someone sits too close to them.
Practice with your child what they can say and do if they are in a situation where they do not feel comfortable. Role-playing can help children feel prepared to speak up.
Encourage your child to speak up if something does not feel right. Let them know their voice matters and that you will always listen.
Encourage your child to ask for consent. For example, ask first if you can hug someone.
Teach your child to respect "no" messages. An example is when your child is playing with another child and the other child says "Stop." They must respect that message and stop right away. On the other hand, give family members and friends the same message. For instance, if they are tickling your child and your child says "Stop," they must also respect that.
Teach your child about online safety and why they need to protect their privacy. Explain why they must get consent before sharing something online that is about someone else, like a photo or video.
Okay Touch vs. Not Okay Touch
One way people form connections and attachments to each other is through touch. Touch, like hugs, kisses, cuddles, pats on the back, or high fives, are important because they can make us feel loved and cared about. However, your child must understand the difference between an "okay" touch and a "not okay" touch.
There are five main messages behind this idea:
Teach your child that their body is their own and no one can touch it or look at it without their permission. Improper touches are wrong and are against the law. Talking about this idea at an early age, using the correct name for body parts, and teaching your child which parts of their body are "private" will help them understand what is okay and not okay.
Help your child recognize how they feel when they are in safe, uncomfortable, and unsafe situations. Emphasize that your child should pay attention to how a touch makes them feel and to those "uh-oh" feelings. Even if a touch feels good or is from someone they know, if they get an "uh-oh" feeling, the touch is not okay.
Be a trusted adult—one your child can say anything to. Talk to them about who the other trusted adults in their lives are. They could be anyone from another family member or close family friend to their neighbour, teacher, or coach.
There are no secrets around touch, and all kinds of touch can be talked about. Secrets that make them anxious, uncomfortable, scared, or depressed are not good. Encourage them to share them with you or another trusted adult. It's important that your child also knows that if the touch of a trusted adult gives them an "uh-oh" feeling, they need to tell you.
Always believe what you have been told. When your child tells you they have been touched, treated, or spoken to in a way that feels wrong, believe them. Try to get more information without stressing your child. Keeping them safe and helping them feel safe will be vital.
Talking About Sexual Consent with Older Children and Teens
Sexual activity includes kissing, sexual touching, and sexual intercourse. Consent means everyone agrees to the sexual activity and is clear on what they are agreeing to. Consent must be given for each sexual activity, each time. Sexual consent confirms the right that each person has to make their own choice about sexual activity.
Here are some tips for talking about sexual consent with older children and teens:
Talk about your family values and sexuality.
Talk about personal boundaries.
Have your child think about situations where they might have to be clear about personal boundaries.
Talk about sexual consent, coercion, harassment, manipulation, and sexual assault. Tell your child they have a voice, and you will always listen to them.
Talk about the social and emotional harms of sexual assault so they understand why consent matters.
Talk about guarding their own privacy and the privacy of others. This includes being safe online, sexting, and sharing images that were not meant to be shared.
Important Points About Sexual Consent
When it comes to sexual consent, there are some important ideas to understand and talk about with your child:
Consent is freely given. Agreeing to do something is consent only if the person wants it. If a person feels forced, or there is something to lose by saying no, it is not consent.
Pressure is not consent. If a partner pressures, pesters, or guilt-trips someone into having sex, they do not have consent. If a person fears for their safety or fears the loss of a relationship if they disagree, it is not consent.
"No" always means "no" whether given verbally or non-verbally. A lack of a positive, freely given "yes" is also a "no." Silence, not answering, or not resisting physically is not consent.
People who are drunk, high, sleeping, or unconscious cannot consent. To clearly talk about consent, both people need to be sober and alert. For consent to happen, a person must have the chance to communicate "no."
Flirting, clothing, sexual texts, or social media messages are not consent. Consent cannot be implied based on these things.
Everyone agrees and clearly knows what they are agreeing to. A healthy consent talk includes asking for consent and giving a clear answer. Body language and what is said should both give the same message. If there is any doubt, they need to ask again to ensure they have true consent.
Consent cannot be assumed. Your child or teen needs to know that they cannot assume they have consent because they are in a relationship. They also cannot assume they have consent because they got it for the same activity before. They must ask and be given consent each time an activity begins, changes, or continues.
All those involved need to feel safe and comfortable. It is important to feel safe and comfortable with themselves, their body, their partner, and the situation.
Consent can be taken away at any time. For this reason, they must keep checking that they have consent during sexual activity.
Consent is necessary for sexting. If your teen decides to send a sext, it should always be their choice. Sending a sext one time does not mean they have to do it again. Sending a private sext to someone does not give that person permission to share it with other people. Your teen cannot share sexted pictures or videos without the written permission of the person in the photos or videos.
Consent and the Law
In Canada, the age of consent is the age when a person can legally agree to sexual activity. The age of consent law applies to all forms of sexual activity. It includes everything from kissing and fondling to sexual intercourse.
The law states that a 16-year-old can consent to sexual activity, except if the other person is in a position of authority (e.g., teacher, coach, or employer) or the sexual activity will take advantage of the person (e.g., pornography, prostitution, or trading sex for safety).
There are "close in age" exceptions to this law:
14- and 15-year-olds can consent to sexual activity if the partner is less than five years older.
12- and 13-year-olds can consent to sexual activity if the partner is less than two years older.
Kids younger than 12 cannot consent to any type of sexual activity. Having sex with a child younger than 12 is against the law and is sexual abuse.
What to Know About Sexual Assault
Sex without consent is sexual assault.
Sexual assault can happen to anyone of any age and gender. Anyone of any age and gender can commit sexual assault.
Messages about how to prevent being sexually assaulted (e.g., don't wear revealing clothes) do not prevent assaults. Instead, they make people who were assaulted feel shame and as if they brought it on themselves. These messages also excuse the perpetrator, which is wrong.
What to Do If Your Child Is Sexually Assaulted
If your child or teen has been assaulted, they may come to you for help. You will likely go through all types of feelings and reactions—shock, anger, fear, guilt, or anxiety. These are all normal. The way that you respond to your child or teen is very important. Positive and supportive responses are more likely to help your child as they recover from the assault.
If your child or teen tells you that they have been sexually assaulted, here are some supportive things you can do or say:
Listen. Give them your full attention. Let them know you hear what they told you.
Stay calm. Keep your focus on their well-being. Staying calm will help them feel supported and safe.
Believe. Believe what they tell you. Say, "I believe you." Let them know that talking about the assault takes courage and strength.
Be compassionate. You can say, "You do not deserve this."
Stress that it is not their fault. Survivors usually blame themselves. Remind them that only the perpetrator is responsible for what happened.
Know where to get help. Ask them if they have reached out to anyone besides you for help. Let them know you can help them call a distress helpline or sexual assault support agency if they would like. It is important to listen and respect their choices about what they want for support.
Tips for Talking About Consent at Any Age
Here are some tips for starting or having conversations about consent and sexual health at any age:
It's never too late to start the conversation. If you and your child haven't talked about consent yet, it's never too late to begin.
Use proper terms for body parts and bodily functions. It can be confusing to children to have cute names for some body parts and not others. This can also help protect your child from abuse, as they will have the words to talk about a touch or feeling that is not okay.
Teach them that their body belongs to them. Let them know they are allowed to tell people they do not want to be touched, hugged, tickled, etc., even if it is by a friend or relative.
Find out what they already know. Children will hear comments or words they do not understand. Ask your child what they can tell you about any topic. This is a great way to start a conversation, find out what they know, and give them the right information.
Keep the language simple and age-appropriate. For example, when talking about where babies come from, a 3-year-old may be okay with, "Babies grow in a special place inside the mother's body called a uterus." However, a 6-year-old may have more questions about how the baby grows.
Watch for teachable moments. Talk about and help them understand issues as they come up on TV, in movies, ads, music, the news, and in the community. This can also start a talk about your values and beliefs.
Talk about more than the "facts." Along with facts about the body and how it works, talk about feelings, relationships, and how they affect other people.
Encourage your child to talk about what they think. Talking openly can help your child understand your values and give you a better idea about the values they are learning. Listen and ask open questions instead of doing all the talking.
You don't have to know it all. If you don't know the answer, suggest that you find out together or tell them you will find out and get back to them. Don't put it off, as they might think that it is not an okay topic or not important enough to talk about.
Being an ‘Askable Adult’
Being an Askable Adult means that you are easy to talk to, that you listen, that you respect a person's right to privacy, and that you respect the right for a child or teen to feel the way they do.
An Askable Adult:
Knows the basics. They understand the facts about the human body—like puberty and reproduction—but they also understand what affects a person's sexuality, what a healthy relationship is, and what consent means.
Knows themselves. They understand their values and beliefs and communicate them clearly and respectfully.
Answers questions. They may have some answers, but not all. When they need to find more information, they know what information can be trusted, and they always give the child who asked an answer.
A Final Thought
Teaching consent is not a single conversation. It is an ongoing practice—woven into everyday moments, modeled through our actions, and revisited as children grow.
When we teach children about consent, we are not just teaching them about boundaries. We are teaching them that they matter. That their voice matters. That their body belongs to them. And that the people in their lives deserve the same respect.
That is a lesson worth teaching—at every age.
If you or someone you know is in crisis, help is available 24/7:
Suicide Crisis Helpline: Call or text 9-8-8
One Stop Talk: Connect directly with a mental health professional ( Monday to Friday from 12 p.m. to 8 p.m.) through online video, and voice. Go to onestoptalk.ca or call 1-855-416-8255.
Kids Help Phone: 1-800-668-6868 or text CONNECT to 686868
Sexual Assault Support Line: Contact your local sexual assault centre
Cybertip.ca: Report online child sexual exploitation
Lynwood Charlton Centre: Contact our Access and System Navigation team at 905-389-1361 for free, confidential mental health support for children, youth, and families in Hamilton
You are not alone.
RESOURCES
Teaching Sexual Health Consent
Alberta Health Services Talking with Your Child About Sexual Health For Parents of Children from Birth - 12 Years
Alberta Health Services Talking with Your Teen About Sexual Health For Parents of Teens from 13-18 Years
Canada.ca Understanding consent and challenging victim-blaming
RAINN Consent 101: Respect, Boundaries & Building Trust
Kids Help Phone Consent: What it is and why it’s important
Kids Help Phone Video: What is Consent?
Teen Talk Consent and Sexual Assault
Government of Canada Age of Consent to Sexual Activity
